All Star Captain America & Bucky
by ekrolo2
Summary: Inspired by the insane mind of infamous comic book writer Frank Miller and his evil hat comes a tale starring the First Avenger, and his trusted side kick Bucky Barnes, age 12, as they battle through the final years of World War II protecting the values and liberty of AMERICA! all in the style of Miller's modern day classic, All Star Batman & Robin!


**All Star Captain America! #1**

**Chapter 1: FUCK YEAH!**

**By ekrolo2 (possessed by Frank Millers evil hat)**

* * *

**Writers Note: This is intended to be a parody of All Star Batman & Robin but with Captain America characters instead, sociopathic behavior, out of character moments, randomly highlighted words for no good reason, piss poor writing & storytelling and other tropes of that wondrous mess of a comic will appear here. Enjoy, or despair!**

* * *

_**D-day, 1944, Normandy**_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled private John Smith, age 20, as he FIRED his Thompson assault RIFFLE at the Nazi forces stationed on the CLIFFS high above shore lines of NORMANDY!

Nazi BUNKERS were strategically POSITIONED all over the cliffs with barbed wire and trenches DUG out to connect them and to provide cover for the NAZI forces hold their ground above.

Gun FIRE was all over the place, with Allied FORCES dropping like FLIES as they had no COVER to protect themselves from the mounter machine GUNS firing on them. Dozens of SOLDIERS were dead before even hitting the SHORES!

Their bodies were MAULED to pieces as the bullets ravaged their BODIES, and the various mines and ROCKETS blew off their LIMBS, leaving the few survivors laying helplessly on the GROUND.

But this was not enough to DETER private John Smith, age 20, from pushing ON! For he was a true PATRIOT! He was born and raised as a true AMERICAN, only buying AMERICAN food, clothes and AMERICAN play boy magazines!

Not that John Smith, age 20, needed them! The mere SIGHT of the red, white and blue was enough for him, and the statue of LIBERTY would now and forever be his one, and ONLY mistress!

"FUCK YOU CROUT MOTHER FFFFFUUUUCCCKKKKEEEEERRRRRSSSS! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

His fun was cut SHORT when his Thompson assault RIFFLE ran out of BULLETS! "Oh shit!" He whispered to himself as he dropped on the GROUND and started reloading his RIFFLE with a gleeful expression on his FACE!

"Oh man! Is this not the best day ever or what Mickey?!"

He patted his FRIENd Mickey on the SHOULDER! The only response he got was a faint "Uhuh" from his childhood FRIEND who coincidentally had both his LEGS blown off and was BLEEDING to death on the ground BELOW!

"You always did have my back MMMIIIKKEEEYYYY AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Firing his assault RIFFLE once again at the bunkers ABOVE, John laughed like a man possessed as he fire RANDOMLY at the enemy above, not caring if he actually hit a DAMN thing! Yes, only a true American PATRIOT would face such odds so CASUALLY!

But then a sight in the sky ABOVE made him turn deathly quiet as he dropped his GUN in disbelief and stared at the sight with TEARS of JOY forming in his eyes!

It was none other than Captain AMERICA! The worlds finest SOLDIER dropping down out of a PLANE, using the American FLAG as a parachute!

* * *

"American fuck yeah! Gonna save the motherfuckin day yeah! America fuck yeah, gonna save the mother fucking day yeah! AHAHAHA! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

Said the great Captain AMERICA, as he PARACHUTED down to the BATTLEFIELD below with the red, white and blue easing his DESCENT while singing his favorite SONG!

Explosions happened all AROUND him as the Nazi FORCES immediately took NOTICE of the super soldier and feared him more than they loved the FUHRER! But nothing could stand in his WAY, bullets and explosives missed him ENTIRELY with the Nazi forces below SCRAMBLING in terror!

"Just the way I LIKE IT!"

Letting go of his PARACHUTE, Captain AMERICA, dropped in the middle of the BATTLEFIELD with his SHIELD in toe, and a bright shiny smile on his face as the NAZI forces shook in their BRITCHES at the mere SIGHT of him!

"Who wants to go fi-"

Before he could finish, a SNIPER from across the BATTLEFIELD fired at his face, and seemingly blasted a round clear through his SKULL judging by his head tilting BACKWARDS!

"AHAHAH I killed ze Captain AMERICA! The fuhrer will be very plea-"

His jaw DROPPED when Captain AMERICA returned his head to its normal POSITION, revealing he caught the sniper round with his bare TEETH! A smile formed on his face as he looked at the CROUTS before him and inhaled air to spit the round OUT!

Using the power of AMERICA, he fired the round with such STRENGTH and SPEED, it TORE through 50 soldiers, 10 tanks and through the SKULL of the Nazi sniper he originally FIRED it!

The Nazi troopers started shaking UNCONTROLLABLY as their comrades and vehicles either died or EXPLODED or both after this display of power by Captain AMERICA, many of them began to run away as the dropped their RIFLES!

But Captain America simply smirked and once again, tapping into the power of AMERICA threw his should and WATCHED as it not only went through the entire BATTLEFIELD of D-day, but somehow managed to kill or blow up or both, every Nazi SOLDIER, or VEHICLE or BUNKER in the process.

Effectively winning the battle with little to no EFFORT with Captain AMERICA laughing maniacally as he watched the slaughter UNFOLD!

"War is so funny!" He thought to himself before noticing his SHIELD fly back in his DIRECTION!

Catching his SHIELD as it bounced back to him, Captain AMERICA kissed the Vibranium, N'th and Adamantium metal composed OBJECT and looked at his reflection in it.

"The red, white and blue sure does look better with more... me on it. Isn't that right Bucky ol pal ol chum?!"

He placed his arms on his HIPS and watched as his annoyed partner, Bucky Barnes, age 12, landed NEXT to him with a PISTOLS in his hands, and a frown on his face.

"If by better you mean being worn by a borderline sociopath who just laughed at the death and murder of over 50 000 people who he single-handedly, some how, managed to kill the y-"

Captain AMERICA smacked his friend at the back of the HEAD, sending the boy face first into the MUD below as he started LAUGHING at his "joke".

"Oh Bucky, you and your playful antics! The general was right about you kids bringing in your youthful charms to the army!"

Lifting his head out of the mud he scowled at Captain AMERICA!

"I hope you-"

"Oh look!"

He stepped on Bucky's head, driving it into the MUD once again as he made his WAY to a Nazi survivor! The man had both his arms and LEGS blown off and was choking on his own BLOOD!

"P-please... Help... me!" - German

"Hey friend *he reached out to him* need a... hand?"

A brief SILENCE between the two was followed in SUITE by the German soldier glaring at the smiling Captain AMERICA!

"Kiss my... ass you American ba-"

Before he could finish his SENTENCE, Captain AMERICA bashed his skull in REPEATEDLY as he laughed like a giddy school girl at the SIGHT of it all. Bucky, age 12, watched in TERROR from ground and gulped when Captain AMERICA tilted his head in his DIRECTION!

"Isn't war fun?!"

He stared at Bucky, age 12, without BLINKING to which Bucky, age 12, nodded to in agreement with his heart POUNDING in his EARS!

"I'm going to fucking die aren't I?"

* * *

**To be CONTINUED in Captain AMERICA #2! Frances goes BOOM!**


End file.
